NEHL 2014/15: Jarrow. Race Report 2

Buckle up for a race report that pull’s no punches!!


Jarrow Cross Country Race Report

By Lauren Bird


If I could compare the absolute mud bath that was my race to anything it would have to be hell itself. As Dormouse, Jessica and I lined up on the pathetic strip of greyish mud that served as a start line, we were all thinking the same thing: Why, why did I ever sign up for this idiotic cross country? Why????!!! Suddenly, a very rude gun interrupted our intellectual train of thought. “I think that means `go`, I said helpfully to Dormouse. Once we had started, it was game on! I was going to win this! I wasn’t coming last! The finish line was in sight! That is, until I realised we had actually just begun…

About ten minutes of pain, suffering and mutterings of death threats to the organisers of The Mud Bath later, I was still thinking cheerful thoughts (you know, the usual, a few growls, more death threats, a few mutterings of: “When I get my *pant* hands on the idiot *pant* who *pant* put a random path in the middle of nowhere *wheeze* I will rip their arm off and beat ‘ em with the soggy end.”  Cheerful stuff like that.) Dormouse was running strongly however, and we sprinted for the line together, finishing 31st and 32nd. Unfortunately, Jessica lost a shoe but still managed to finish 44th.

After the insult of my cross country, I came into the TBH tent, only to find that my mother had forgotten to take socks. Fortunately, the brilliant Dave Moir had brought not only spare socks, but also a helpful towel! At least someone brought organised parents! (Soz, Mum.)


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    • David Rowe on February 1, 2015 at 11:27
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    Brilliant. Not only are you juniors showing the adults how it’s done in races but also how to write brilliant race reports.

  1. Lauren this made me laugh out loud! What a great race report well done!

    • Apples on February 1, 2015 at 12:23
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    Absolutely brilliant report Lauren, you are putting the adults to shame. Well done to you and all the juniors yesterday.

    • Jess's mam on February 1, 2015 at 12:45
    • Reply

    Brilliant report Lauren, pretty much sums it up. I am afraid I also forgot to put spare socks and a towel in so Jess travelled home with her feet wrapped in my hat and her legs wrapped in my scarf! Well done to all you TBH juniors.

    • Si on February 1, 2015 at 16:26
    • Reply

    Hahahaha! You are a natural writer Lauren, even if you’re not a huge fan of english!! Can picture you muttering away too 😉

    I love Anna’s nickname, I wonder what they have thought up for you….?!

    Keep these fantastic reports coming.

    See you all on Wednesday and well done to all!


    • Sinead on February 1, 2015 at 18:49
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    Cracking report Lauren! It’s given me a great laugh! You were all fantastic yesterday. Sxx

    • Alison Dargie on February 1, 2015 at 20:54
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    Poor Lauren struggles to articulate her true feelings. What she meant to say was that she loved every mud-splattered second and she couldn’t have done it without her supportive, caring etc mother.

      • Legend (aka Lauren) on February 2, 2015 at 18:59
      • Reply

      Soz to break it to ya, but NO I REALLY DIDN’T.

    • Dave Moir on February 2, 2015 at 08:03
    • Reply

    That was a great race report Lauren it was very funny and dramatic. Sorry I was not there I would of loved it
    [sort of] well done on your race, Anna Lauren and jess. It sounded very muddy from Hope

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